Trump is Our Man, Right or Wrong

In a democracy, everyone deserves to be represented in government. It was Richard Nixon’s vice president, Spiro Agnew, who pointed out, for example, that mediocre people deserve representation in Washington. It turned out that Spiro Agnew did not rise to the level of mediocrity, but he had the right idea. Every type of person deserves a turn at the helm of the ship of state.

The left-wing liberal Democrats have been making a big deal lately of the fact that Donald Trump is an insane lying thug. Who cares? It is high time that those of us who live on the wrong side of the law, are not quite right in the head, and have a proclivity to prevarication  have one of our own in the White House.

Yes, Donald Trump is a liar, a crook, a nutjob, and an incompetent. In other words, he’s exactly like me. I and the rest of the 40 percent of Americans who continue to support Trump do not care about those things. In fact, it makes him more attractive, because it proves that he is just like us.

One of the best things Trump did was to fire that slimy FBI guy, James Comey for refusing to swear loyalty to Donald Trump. Comey was getting too close to getting his hands on the video that Vladimir Putin had made of Donald Trump taking a golden shower on a visit to Moscow. If that video is ever made public, it will shock those straight-laced, egotistical liberals who think there is something wrong with a president getting urinated on. Hell, we Bible-thumping, conservative Christians pee all over each other all of the time. What’s wrong with that?

Intelligent, well-mannered, honest left-wing liberals had their turn in the White House with Barack Obama. Now it’s our turn! We God-fearing crooks of the superior white race have been on the outside for far too long. Finally, we have power, and we’re going to keep it while our president continues to enjoy his labial contact with Vladimir Putin’s inter-gluteal cleft. (Don’t ask me what that means; I plagiarized it from a liberal website.)

Incidentally, if you’re a God-fearing Christian conservative like me, you may enjoy reading my biography. Click on the Running for President cover image in the left sidebar for more information.

Who Investigates FBI’s Ties to Russia?

In testimony before Congress on Wednesday, FBI Director James Comey claimed that it made him feel “mildly nauseous” to think that that he may have helped Donald Trump defeat Hillary Clinton in the presidential race. How could he not know that his last-minute and unfounded announcement about reopening the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails would influence the election? What about Donald Trump’s ties to Russia. Director Comey waited until after the election to reveal that Trump’s possible ties to Russia were also under investigation.

 That raises the question: Were Director Comey and Vladimir Putin in cahoots to defeat Hillary Clinton? We may never know the answer to that question. However, we definitely need someone to investigate that possibility.

In any case, Director Comey should resign. Given his highly partisan past, he cannot be trusted to honestly investigate possible connections between the Russian government and the Trump campaign. However, maybe it is better not to call too loud for his resignation. Donald Trump would get to name his replacement, and given Trump’s penchant to naming completely unqualified people to high government posts, the Lord only knows what sort of incompetent wack-job Trump might nominate. It’s completely possible that Trump could pardon El Chapo Guzman and then nominate him head of the FBI.

Trump’s Mental Health Premiums Skyrocket

If Trumpcare makes it through the Senate, one of the plan’s victims will be Donald Trump himself. The premium for the psychiatric portion of his health insurance is set to skyrocket due to his well-known preexisting mental health condition. That is one of the unintended consequences of his new government healthcare policy. If Donald Trump had at least normal intelligence, he would have seen that coming.

But, no, Donald Trump was unaware that his healthcare proposal would turn around and bite him until one of the few intelligent people remaining on his staff made him aware of it. The staff member, one of the few with an IQ above 95, had not yet been fired due to an oversight caused by the dysfunctional White House management as it attempts to surround our nation’s president by people who are just as idiotic as our great president himself.

In an attempt to belatedly undermine his own health insurance plan and send it down under, President Trump took to Twitter: “Of course the Australians have better healthcare than we do — everybody does. ObamaCare is dead! But our healthcare will soon be great.”

If Trump has now changed his mind, as he does several times a day, it means that he no longer supports the plan he supported yesterday and now envisions something entirely new. Even Donald Trump would not be enough of a prevaricator to tweet “…our healthcare will soon be great” if he were sticking to his original plan, which even he knows is pure garbage. Donald Trump’s original plan, the one passed by the House of Representatives, was designed to “stick it to” most Americans down under, not to provide them with health insurance. Let’s hope that whatever his new plan is, it will be much better than the idiotic crap that emerged from the House of Representatives.

I believe that it was former Vice President Spiro Agnew who claimed that even mediocre people deserve to be represented in the White House. Now it is the turn of stupid people to have a president who represents them, and Donald J. Trump is that president.

Trump’s Great Tax Plan

First, for the purposes of full disclosure, I will admit that some fat rich guy paid me to write this post, and thanks to the sum he paid me, I am convinced that this post is divinely inspired.

President Donald J. Trump finally (at the very end of his first 100 days) submitted a comprehensive tax reform plan to Congress, just as he promised during his campaign. It is a very detailed and well-thought-out plan that is so extensive that it covers almost all of one side of a sheet of paper.

The beauty of the plan is that it really screws the undeserving middle class and accelerates the government’s wealth transfer from the great unwashed to deserving people who already have more money than they can spend. Don’t forget that wealthy people are the backbone of this country, and by accumulating enormous sums of wealth, they are helping to “Make America Great Again.” The rich are the real Americans.

Meanwhile, the blood-sucking middle class is living at the expense of the rich by sending their kids to public schools that are paid for by rich people’s tax money. The stinking middle class also drives on roads that are maintained (well, the used to be maintained) by money from the public purse, money that could be put to good use by lining the pockets of real Americans, that is to say, of the very, very wealthy.

Some will accuse me of being a traitor to my class by taking the part of the wealthy, but, HEY!, I got paid good money to write this blog post, and making money is what life is all about. If you think I should be kowtowing to people of my own class, I have three words for you: GET A LIFE!

The best part of Donald Trump’s tax plan is that it will almost entirely eliminate government unjust confiscation of real estate developers and will therefore benefit our glorious leader himself. If you are some chump who is working for peanuts or are out of work altogether, please have the decency to not criticize the Trump tax plan. After all, it is the working class that put Donald Trump into office. Working people got what they wanted, a Trump presidency. Now it is time for Donald Trump to get what he wants, your money. Now that you have elected Donald Trump to office, you are no longer needed.

Stay tuned to this blog for future posts on the wondrous accomplishments of our president. In the meantime, click on the cover page of the book Running for President in the left sidebar of this blog to read my autobiography. The book is true, every word of it, just as true as the words in this blog post.

Trump is Right to Criticize Judges

Why hasn’t Donald Trump accomplished all that he promised in the first 100 days? Because some liberal, left-wing, elitist judges have blocked his sensible executive orders, that’s why. President Trump is perfectly justified in criticizing those liberal judges, no matter what leftist, fake-news press sites like the Washington Post and New York Times write. Overly-educated judges are stifling the innovative proposals of our great president.

 The root of the problem is that all federal judges were once lawyers, and we all know what type of people lawyers are: effete, left-leaning snobs with far too much education who are completely our of touch with ordinary Americans. Judges should be picked from those of us who have no more than a high school education, or better yet, from people like me who never did finish high school.

It is high time to promote ordinary Americans to federal judge positions and do away with the death grip that the legal profession has on the federal courts. Instead of putting lawyers in those positions, those jobs should be given to real Americans including truck drivers, fast-food workers, convenience-store employees, and coal miners. Many laid-off coal miners would be grateful for the income and would be less likely to oppose the orders that our glorious leader Donald J. Trump signs at a rate of several a day.

Please write, call, or email both of your senators and demand that they oppose any court nominees who are lawyers. We, the American people, demand that those snobbish senators stop their fawning and obsequious admiration of the overly-educated legal profession and begin promoting working-class Americans to federal judgeships.

Contact your senators and Congressional Representative today! Granted, Congressional Representatives have no say in the confirmation of federal judges, but write or phone them anyway, just to make sure.

Trump Colonoscopy Reveals Undersized Brain

For release April 1, 2017

In a private examination conducted at Donald Trump’s Florida Mar-a-Lago resort two weeks ago, Doctor Levi Schwarzkopf, a prominent Israeli gastroenterologist, determined during a routine colonoscopy that Donald Trump’s brain is 25 percent smaller than that of a normal human. Jason Wilder’s Fake News has seen the colonoscopy report, a copy of which was smuggled out of Mar-a-Lago by a Hispanic busboy who Xeroxed the report when Doctor Schwarzkopf left it sitting on his table in the dining room during a hurried and extended visit to the restaurant’s men’s room after consuming an appetizer that the busboy had furtively infused with a triple dose of Dulcolax, a powerful laxative.

The busboy, who has requested anonymity, sold a copy of the report to the Washington Post for $25,000. Fearing retribution from the White House, the Post spiked a news story based on the colonoscopy report. The busboy, enraged by what he considers to be President Trump’s anti-Hispanic views, determined to make the report public and provided a free copy to Jason Wilder’s Fake News after obtaining a promise from us that we would publicize the report’s main finding.

The report is written in technical, medical jargon, but translated into ordinary English, the colonoscopy report estimates the weight of Donald Trump’s brain at 2.25 pounds compared to 3.0 pounds for the average human male. No other anomalies were reported. We consulted noted brain surgeon Alexis Donahue for an interpretation of the report.

“Brain size is directly related to intelligence,” according to Doctor Donahue. “Donald Trump’s brain is 25 percent smaller than that of the average man, which implies that he is also 25 percent below average in intelligence. The good news is that Donald Trump’s brain is much larger than that of most orangutangs. That means that those of accused Donald Trump of being as ‘dumb as a big monkey’ are quite wrong.”

However, Doctor Donahue says that the most surprising finding is the location of Donald Trump’s brain. “It is quite unusual for a gastroenterologist to be able to measure the characteristics of a human brain using a colonoscope. The fact that he was able to do so indicates that Doctor Schwarzkopf has an extraordinary skill at performing this type of examination. It is also probable that President Trump’s brain is located much lower that one would expect. Normally, the human brain is located in the cranial region. However, Donald Trump’s brain is located in the inferior gluteal portion of his corpus.”

As a postscript to his remarks, Doctor Donahue mentioned that he was not surprised that no other anomalies were found during the colon examination. “It is well known that Donald Trump possesses perfect anal characteristics.”

Jason Wilder’s Fake News contacted Doctor Schwarzkopf at his office in Tel Aviv, but he refused to acknowledge that he had conducted the examination or even that he had flown to the United States to examine President Trump. However, upon further digging, we did find a round trip airline ticket in his name from Tel Aviv to Miami.

Where is Trump’s Birth Certificate?

As Donald Trump prepares to occupy the White House, researchers are still puzzled by the mystery of his birth. Was Donald Trump born in the United States? Despite repeated requests, Donald Trump has been unwilling or unable to produce a certified birth certificate showing where he was born. The smart money says he was born in Germany and grew up in Canada. That would explain his strange accent and un-American habit of waving his arms about his head while talking.

What do we know about Donald Trump’s family history? We know that his grandfather was deported from Germany and changed his name from Friedrich Drumpf to Frederick Trump to hide his foreign birth during one of the several periods that he lived in the USA. We also know that Friedrich Drumpf started the family fortune by running a prostitution ring, first in Seattle and later in a gold mining camp called Monte Cristo, where in addition to supplying miners with whores, he filed a fake mining claim. Thus began the Drumpf/Trump family business of making money by exploiting others and operating outside the law.

In addition to living in Germany and the United States, the Drumpf family also lived in Canada. Researchers have still not discovered how many citizenships he held, how many of them were genuine, and how many were fake. They do know that his original citizenship was German, although the Germans kicked him out of the country for his crooked deals, a tradition that has been handed down within the family to the present generation.

As the Trump family migrated from country to country one step ahead of the law, Donald Trump’s father and later Donald himself were born, but just where they were born is lost to history. Donald Trump/Drumpf himself was probably born in Germany and is most likely a German citizen and not an American. His grandfather was unquestionably an illegal emigrant from Germany who swore allegiance to the German Kaiser. If Donald Trump’s illegal entry into the United States ever becomes public, he will be subject to deportation. However, with is money, the Donald has been able to sweep most of the accusations against him under the rug.

Speculation is that Donald Trump was born in what was once East Germany where his personality was shaped by his admiration for Russian communism. That would explain his undemocratic tendencies and his open adoration of such authoritarian figures as Vladimir Putin, Saddam Hussein, Bashar al-Assad, Adolf Hitler, and Benito Mussolini. Of Saddam Hussein Trump said, “at least he killed terrorists,” and of Bashar al-Assad “he looks a lot better than some of our so-called friends.” By our “so-called friends,” Trump means leaders of Canada, Germany, the Netherlands, and the United Kingdom. Trump’s elegies of Vladimir Putin and his genocidal government are well know and need not be repeated here.

Where is Arizona’s Sheriff Joe Arpaio when we need him? Sheriff Joe spent eight years and untold sums of taxpayer money trying to prove that Barack Obama’s birth certificate was fake. We need someone to investigate the location of Donald Trump’s birth, whose birth certificate, if he has one at all, is almost certainly fake unless it is written in German. Of course, given Trump’s ill-gotten wealth, any birth certificate he manages to produce is certain to be one of the highest-quality fakes that money can buy. The fat man is probably the wiliest crook to ever sneak into the United States.

Speaking of fakes, my fake biography is for sale in bookstores worldwide. Click on the book cover of Running for President in the left sidebar for more information. Donald Trump and I have a lot in common.

Brexit — Good Riddance!

The British have decided to leave the European Union. Thank goodness! Nobody wanted those boozy loudmouths to hang around any longer, and now that they’ve voted to leave, it’s time for them to get the hell out without anymore dinking around. No long good-byes! Good riddance! Now go!

I must say, however, that although the British made the right decision as far as the rest of us are concerned, I am not too impressed with the leave group’s chief loudmouth, Boris Johnson. Have you ever noticed that he looks like a younger brother of The Donald? Both are fat (Trump a lot more), both are loudmouths, both preach isolation, both have orange hair (whoever dresses Trump puts a lot more hairspray on his), and both were born in New York City. I think someone should do a DNA test on the two of them to see if they don’t share some genetic material. In other words, are the biggest loudmouths in the US and the UK brothers?

There is a mental difference between the two. Boris Johnson is definitely smarter than Donald Trump, although that’s a low hurdle. Boris also has something approaching an adult vocabulary, whereas Donald Trump has the vocabulary of a nine-year old and has trouble reading sentences from the Teleprompter that are more than four or five words long.

I don’t particularly like Boris Johnson, although I could learn to bear him if we were locked in the same jail cell. If I were locked up with the Donald, I’d ask the guards to have mercy and shoot me.

Boris Johnson did do us all one big favor. He persuaded those boring Brits to get out of the European Union and isolate themselves on their little island in the North Atlantic. May they inbreed and rot there. For this I salute The Boris. Who else could have persuaded the Brits to do something so utterly stupid affecting their own interest? No one, of course, but thank goodness he was there to get those fat, drunken Brits away from the rest of us.

Now, are you going to vote for Donald Trump and let him screw up the US the same way his kid brother has screwed up the UK? As glad as I am to see the Brits isolated from the rest of the world, I don’t want the same thing to happen to the country where I live. You should write my name in on the presidential ballot instead.

Even I Can’t Stomach the Gun Extremists

I am very pro-gun and very much a supporter of the Second Amendment. However, even I cannot support the extremists who seem to think that it is the Constitutional right of potential terrorists to buy guns.

I am in favor of permitting all law-abiding American citizens to purchase as many guns as they like. However, I don’t think that right should extend to people who do not obey the law. Therefore, I am in favor of universal background checks. If you buy a gun from your brother, there should be a way for your brother to go online to make sure that you are entitled to buy a gun. If he doesn’t make that check, or if he does go online and finds that you are on a terrorist list but sells you the gun anyway, he should be subject to a fine. If you use the gun to threaten or take someone’s life, your brother should go to jail along with you.

If you believe that all law-abiding adult Americans have the unlimited right to buy guns but that we should have realistic laws prohibiting the bad guys from buying them, then I am your presidential candidate.

True, I have no realistic chance of winning the election, but if enough people write my name in on their election ballots, it might serve as a wake-up call both to those who want to ban guns and those who want to put guns in the hands of criminals that we will not put up with either group. Remember: JASON WILDER FOR PRESIDENT!

If you want to know more about me, click on the Running for President image on the left sidebar, and you can read an except from my biography for free. Click on the “Look Inside” message once you’re on the book’s web page.

As Trump Goes Down, I Go Up

First of all, let me admit that I stole a lot of the information in this post from another blog. I’m running for president! Do you expect me to respect copyright?

Once again, in a tweet, Donald Trump referred to Elizabeth Warren as Pocahontas. “Pocahontas is at it again! Goofy Elizabeth Warren, one of the least productive U.S. Senators, has a nasty mouth.”

Some Republicans, such as Senator Lindsey Graham, think the remark is pretty humorous. However, Senator Graham’s lighthearted response is not likely to endear him to the Original Americans.

For example, Republican Representative Tom Cole of Oklahoma, who is a member of the Chickasaw Tribe, was not amused. “It’s pejorative, and you know, there’s plenty of things that he can disagree with Elizabeth Warren over, this is not something that should, in my opinion, ever enter the conversation. It’s neither appropriate personally toward her, and frankly, it offends a much larger group of people. So, I wish he would avoid that.” By a larger group of people, he is apparently referring to the insult to Native Americans including to himself.

Republicans are going to have to get used to the idea of having a bigot at the top of the ticket. Now they will have to decide whether to laugh off his bigotry, as Lindsay Graham did on this occasion (although he has previously called Trump a racist), or are they going to try to preserve a sense of decency by disassociating themselves from him?

Some will say that Elizabeth Warren deserves the insult due to her reportedly abrasive personality. However, I don’t think the main point is the insult to her; it is the disrespect shown to Native Americans.

Check out my biography by clicking on the Running for President book cover image in the left sidebar. It’s on sale at the moment in Kindle format, I’m told.

Everything you read here is fake.